March 2005
"I wish in my next life that I were a man so I can be a total SLUT!"
--Gwen Stefani

Febuary 2005
"A squirrel is not a friend, a squirrel a rat with a cute outfit."
--Carrie Bradshaw, Sex in the City

January 2005
"When you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas."
--Jean Harlow, Bombshell

December 2004
"Supermodels. Hah! Nothing "super" about them - stupid little stick figures with poofy lips who think only about themselves. Feh! I used to design for GODS!"
--Edna 'E' Mode, The Incredibles

November 2004
"Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo; Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo; Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up; And that's how we get hamburgers; Now, chickens!"
--Phoebe Buffay, Friends

October 2004
"You see what power is - holding someone else's fear in your hand and showing it to them!"
--Amy Tan

September 2004
"He is okay looking but I think he is a double bag... A bag over his head and a bag over yours just in case his bag rips."
---Nathan

August 2004
"Bottle water?" "This is Ohio. I mean, if you don't have a brewski in you hand, you might as well be wearing a dress.
---Christian Slater, Heathers

July 2004
"Justin Timberlake announced that contrary to reports, he will not be able to appear in the movie version of Rent. Meanwhile, the other former members of 'N Sync announced that contrary to reports, they will not be able to pay rent."
---Conan O'Brian, Late Night with Conan O'Brian

June 2004
"I like walking down Maloney's around closing time and telling all the sorority girls...Hey, you suck."
---Melissa

May 2004
"Hey! Get your armpit out of my nachos!"
---Shawna (A night at Applebee's)

April 2004
"Hmm...I think it needs more 'Eye of Newt'..."
"You always want more 'Eye of Newt'! If it were all up to you, the whole batch would be just 'Newt' eyes."
---Patty & Selma Bouvier, The Simpsons

April 2001
"I am tired of his shit! I gonna rip off his tongue and shove it up his ass so he can tasted the shit that has been commin' out his mouth!"
---Allison

March 2001
"Why do the good girls always fall for the bad boys?"
---Gwen Stafani, No Doubt

December 2000
"Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has got one hidding in their underwears."
---Lorena Bobit (Julie Brown), Attack of the 5" 3' Women

October 2000
"It's like saying Pradas are just shoes, or vodka is just a morning beverage."
---Karen Walker, Will & Grace

September 1999
"Stars are like dreams; all you need to do is reach them to make reality"
---Linda (Denny's Waitress)

June 1999
"I don't have low self-esteem. I have low esteem for others."
---Daria Morgendorffer, Daria

May 1999
"Man, there is nothing worse than gettin' all drunk and wakin' up next to a pig."
---Chef, South Park

January 1999
"A true friend stabs you in the front."
--Oscar Wilde

August 1998
"I wonder what my body sounds like; slamming against those rocks."
--Bjork

May 1998
"Mi gato es solamente para tintoria... (My cat is dry cleaned only)"
--Keri Pepper